How many times have I started over?

Countless. I really can't even begin to think about a number. I have started a couple of times a year, a couple of times a month,and even on an almost daily basis. I never seem to lose much weight- because I don't stick with it for long - but I haven't really gained in the past two and a half years either. I'm still in the same 10 lb range, if at the higher end of that range right now.

Funny, that I feel like I am in control today even though I had fast food for dinner and a handful of potato chips right after. Maybe because I journalled it right away, and I am admitting what I ate, for the first time in a couple of months. I am not pretending I will start over tomorrow, or after I get some better groceries. I am starting again. Now. My calorie total for the day isn't actually that bad (maybe because it was a handful of chips not a big bag to myself, with dip?
hmmmm) and maybe because I am not interested in the rest of the chips sitting there, and because I said no to the ice cream sandwiches in the freezer. My son can eat them all.

I bought a really interesting book a while ago called "The Beck Diet Solution: How to think like a thin person". It is a cognitive psychology book that teaches you how to change your habits to help you lose weight, not a typical diet book. You choose your own diet or eating plan and she just teaches you how to change the way you look at food and eating. I have decided to start again, and today I am doing day 1 and 2 together. Day 1 is to make a list of the reasons you want to lose weight, and keep it handy for easy reference - either index cards, or a list that you can take with you or post somewhere (or several somewheres), and day 2 is to pick a diet/eating plan, as well as a back up plan.

My reasons to lose weight I will put on a list to the side of this blog, as well as make up some index cards I can refer to at other times. I have several lists and cards from last time, but I want to do this right and start really thinking about what I want out of this instead of just pulling out my cards and saying "done". The whole purpose of this is to change my thoughts in relation to food and eating, so I really feel I need to do each step over again, mindfully.

Day 2 involves picking two reasonable diets. The first diet I am going to pick is not a "diet" per se, but it is a tracking system that lets me keep track of nutrients and calories. I will use FitDay to help me plan how many calories I am taking in etc. My second plan is Weight Watchers. I have most of the materials, and I was thinking of rejoining and going to meetings in May anyhow. I am paying for WW online now, but it is slow and cumbersome on my computer right now.

I am going to plan to check in here every day, to talk about the task of the day for the BDS (Beck Diet Solution) , to give myself credit once that pops up in the plan, and to review my reasons for losing weight daily.

Funny how finally making the decision to start again feels good. I am never giving up, no matter how many tries or how long it takes me to do this.